I definitely get what you mean! And I think you're approaching it with the right goal of intentionally stepping outside your comfort zone. In adulthood, it's hard to just let yourself be BAD at something until you're good at it. Especially with a thing you may share with people, like art. You can absolutely do it. Keep some of the drawings you're making now and revisit them later. Look for the things that you learn to do with less mental effort later. How you can use the pencil and get better lines with it. These things are some of the earliest improvements you can be proud of in figure drawing. I'm including a drawing from Stan's recent sketchbook tour video where he showed his old work. You've got this in you! If you haven't seen that video yet, it's a fun one: https://www.proko.com/855

It IS possible to learn and do something like gesture, as long as you have realistic expectations about it; being that you said you have no background in art, it's completely normal to feel lost when trying to follow along, specially if the material and technique is new for you. I don't know how your work on gesture looks right now and I don't know for how long you've been practicing, but I can tell you this for reflexion: when starting out you won't usually see significant improvements over the first month, you might see some after 3 months and even then, it won't look like the examples on the videos, because they are provided by a master of course, with years of practice. So a tip that I can give you for learning art in general (as it's something that takes a lot of time to learn) is to not expect to be a master right away, instead, try to embrace the idea that as beginners, we need to start somewhere even if we don't like the results for now, because is a process that requires time and patience with ourselves. If you are saying that you are starting out I would suggest to try for a little longer, believe me when I tell you that it DOES get more comfortable within time, one can only tell if they are improving or not with months of practice, not just in a couple days or weeks. Sorry if the answer was too long, but hopefully you have a greater picture about the process of learning to draw in general. Consider this and decide if it's something you want to pursuit or not. In case you do, I would happily give you a suggestion about how you should approach the figure drawing course if you would like. Have a nice day!