Yes, drawing can sometimes feel like juggling many things at once-- so it's good to focus on one specific quality at a time, line quality here for instance, as it helps maximize our understanding of a topic before moving on. This helps build our confidence and skill, so eventually, we're much more able to execute many things at once. Here, the original has great looseness and confidence in its line, which I think you captured nicely. Something else that jumps out at me from the original is the hierarchy of line weight. Taking a look at his pants, as an example, both deep creases (pocket, bend of leg) and the general outside outline carry a heavier weight, while the inner lines are very fine and tapered. I think you were starting to go in this direction, though it can continue to be pushed further, especially using the lighter line weight. Pushing for more variety helps both with the clarity of the drawing and the dynamic, lively energy of the linework. Hope this helps!

Love the emotion on the face! Don't Forget to post the reference photos too.

I think you captured the character of the subject really well with CSI, but it looks to me like you are pressing too hard too fast. To help with this you can: Ghost over the page the stroke you want, then very gradually apply pressure to the page as the line starts to become clear to you. Start with a harder lighter pencil (Like an H2) then come back in with the softer darker pencil once you have an idea what you want. You can also see your lack of confidence with the longer lines under the snail. Try working from your shoulder more with long lines from that and do it all in one stroke! I really love these though! Good luck with your art journey!

I use a sheet of scrap printer paper or the like to rest under my hand. This helps with the smudging a lot.

Here we go…