I'm not really liking the way this is turning out.
3yr
Jan D.
I'm not really liking the way this is turning out but I like the idea. Any suggestions? + The guy in the middle doesn't look right.
Step way back or shrink it way down. Can you tell what's going on? Is the story still readable? Can you distinguish the important people/objects needed to tell the story?
If the answer to any of these is no, adjust until it's yes. Especially pay attention to the values—theyll be the main thing to work with. Also look out for earlier decisions you've made that you think you can't change, like the placement of things, or how big they are.
For bonus points, show it to a friend for only a short time--like 10 seconds--and see if they can explain the story from just seeing it for a short time.
hah I suppose the answer's no, no, no. The 10 sec test seems handy tho!:) I've acc just restarted the piece in my post below:) Thanks for the tips!
Damn I just wrote up a long comment and pressed cancel instead of post. Ctrl+z didn't work. Great:D
Anyway, thanks for all the great critique. Here's the short version:
That's where I'm at now.
I tried pushing the figures together to fit them in a more unified focal point. Might still move the caveman around to fit the rhythm of the other 2 better.
I like the gesture of 13, especially in the 2 characters up front and sure will try to get that in the final piece.
I also tried to lead the eye around the painting using some contrast. Seen some of that in Mucha's slav epic that I've been low key fascinated by lately.
I also moved them out of the cave. I think it makes more sense to keep them in a more vague environment, not specific to one of the characters. Also gives me some of that nice sunlight.
Any c&c welcome:)
It's good that you're focusing on the general value structure to work on the composition. That's the right approach at this stage.
I think this new version loses something of the old one. The story I saw in the old one was "Wouldn't artists of the past be amazed by the tools of future artists?". I got a clear read of the cave painter, the easel painter, and the digital painter. In that sense, it worked well. I could easily tell there were artists from different time periods.
What wasn't working well was the tools, and the interaction of the older artists with them. It was hard to make out the tools. The palette was lost a bit—hard to tell exactly what it was, and who was holding it. The stylus was small and mistakable as a brush. Also, overall the cave doesn't contribute to the story, but had a lot of high contrast changes that almost function like dazzle camouflage.
Getting rid of the cave and making the environment more vague is a good move. But I'm not sure about clumping them together. It makes it harder to read each one, and parse them out as distinct parts of the story. And the tablet is now really tiny and not part of the story.
The story I read now is something like: There's a classroom, with the teacher walking around with a tablet helping the students. The teacher is currently helping a student who is painting something out of view. But there are also other students working on others things (the cave painter)
Hi Jan!
I really like the concept!
I think you need to adjust the perspective because the figures appear squashed against the back wall, which seems to me to be curved (first figure).
Make the perspective homogeneous: it is true that they are three different figures but they are in the same space.
I would also say that the horizon line is at the height of the painter's head in the centre. But if the observer is standing, it should be higher.
Is the observer sitting behind the three figures? Then the horizon line is fine where it is.
We have a nice line of action joining the three figures.
Make sure that the figures follow it as well as possible.
Now, check the spatial construction of your figures because they seem to be resting on different planes, especially the last one on the left.
Enlarge the picture and consider where the ground line and the outer vanishing points are. Place the three figures on the floor and check that they are positioned correctly.
Having enlarged the picture and found the ground, it is now obvious that the desk has a different perspective to everything else.
In short, you have to arrange the geometric construction so that everything is solid and coherent.
It also seems to me that there are too many light sources.
I see one on the ground, between the caveman and the renaissance painter, then there's the light coming from the display and these are fine. Finally, however, there is an ambient light coming from the left, and this seems to me to confuse things a bit, making the whole thing inconsistent.
In short, leave aside for a moment the final work and put yourself on a sketchpad to solve and simplify the aspects I have listed.
Next time, before you start painting, do these various construction steps so that you don't have to make too big of a correction while painting.
I hope I didn't confuse you too much and that I was helpful :)
wow thanks for the great critique Serena!:) Yeah its a bit all over the placeXD I'll have to come up with something new. I'm thinking to push them all together closer and kinda have a more central focal point. I'll put myself on that sketchpad whenever I'll get some time:D
Humm... well composition wise if you don't like how this one turned out you could maybe add a bit more concentration on one of them, like using differences in brightness to emphasize one of the guys. To me you seem to want a "progress" kind of look? If so you don't want to cramp them too tightly, but that's tricky because they tend to blend into each other. Do you have more thumbnails for this piece?
The guy in the middle is probably because the head being too big to the rest of the body? like if you look, the body is kinda too short.
Thanks Yiming! I was kinda trying to keep all 3 of them in the focal point which is kinda dumb now that I think about it:D Might have to come up with something new:)
Hey Jan. I see the story you are trying to tell and I like that you are telling one. The details are built on an unresolved composition. The story unfolds in a horizontal manner, but there are lots of vertical lines that are interrupting the flow behind it. if you made it into a triptych with each person on a panel and them interacting, that may work?
Hi Graphiter. I see what you mean. I'll try to keep it on one panel tho. Will have to rework the composition:)
I like the idea too, nice!
To me the issue is just values. I would look to add more contrast on the central figure and reduce contrast for the background (all lighter or all darker). The figures on the right and left look good, but could also do with a little more contrast to bring them out a little more.
I also think the bright light down between the middle and right men is a bit distracting and doesn't add to the picture aside lighting the left guy.
