I can't speak to the proportions because I'm not much of a draftsman, but in terms of personality, I see two things. First, the inked version has a white line between her darker lips, which suggests that we are seeing teeth - her mouth is partly open. When your lips are closed, that line is the darkest part. Second, the shading under her eyebrows makes it look like they are raised, although I can't quite explain why. I think it might be that the darker shading suggests that her brow protrudes more, which pushes her eyebrows toward the viewer, creating that "upward" effect. Not sure, though. The combined effect of the open mouth and the raised brow changes her expression from determined to quizzical. The inking itself looks great; it just had those very subtle effects here.

Hey Adnan, I like your drawing, it looks like a vintage tattoo. I did a draw over to show you how you can improve your drawing from your imagination. I hope this is helpful, keep drawing :)