Hey! First of all, I just want to say that the drawings you're showing here are anything but horrid. They simply reflect your current level and understanding of gesture drawing, and it’s clear that you're no beginner. I find it really admirable that you're continuing to pursue your childhood dream, and if I were you, I definitely wouldn’t give up. Gesture drawing can feel a bit enigmatic for many artists and is actually supposed to flow effortlessly. In your drawings, there’s a bit of visible tension, and in a way, you might be taking the gesture a little too seriously. Gesture, in essence, is an abstraction, and like any abstraction, it relies on all the knowledge you’ve built up. So, the best way to improve your gesture drawing at this point might actually be to focus on completely different aspects—such as artistic anatomy. Studying how bones are structured, where muscles attach, and how they function will naturally enhance your gesture work. From time to time, after gaining more "explicit knowledge"—for example, learning about the structure of the leg—you can return to gesture drawing and will likely notice an improvement. More foundational knowledge will strengthen your ability to capture gestures. To put it simply: I'm very confident that diving into artistic anatomy and the geometric construction of the body will also deepen your understanding of gesture drawing. And most importantly—try to stay relaxed! A gesture should just be the starting point of a drawing. I’d also recommend checking out Bridgman’s books—he takes a slightly different approach to rhythm, which can be really enriching for gesture drawing.