It might just be the values, as you say because the dark values are not in it can be hard to read compared to original picture. Maybe put darkest darks in (just much lighter than the final plan) to make it read better, may be easier for client to see.

Wonder if it would help to try draw each end as a box first, and then the twisting middle piece?

Ray, usually the best approach is to try capture the gesture, the overall placement and essence.. enough that a person could see the gesture you have, and strike the same pose... In as few lines as you can (so easy to alter).. some research on gesture should get you plenty more on this, and practising just repeating the initial gesture can be useful .. as otherwise you don't get enough practice (with it being the first 5-10 minutes of each 4 hour drawing). Nice work 👍