I need a little help on composition
4yr
Serena Marenco
First of all, I want you to know that it's very hard for me to show this storyboard because I'm so ashamed of the way I go about my work (but it's what I'm most comfortable with, and since I work alone on the pages, no draughtsman, inker or colourist gets hurt in the process ^^;)
So, I've been working on a webcomic for a couple of years at the insistence of a writer friend who was desperate to adapt one of her novels.
I took a year to study and prepare myself for the task (in comics I had experience ONLY as a japanese graphic adapter, layout artist and letterer), I'm literally learning one page at a time.
In the beginning I used to ask a friend of mine, a professional comic artist, to help me correct the storyboards, I did it for the first 40 pages, but I didn't want to bother him any more and from then on I did it myself, following his advice.
The problem is that now, after more than a hundred pages with a quiet atmosphere, we're starting with the action pages and there will be a total change of mood, which I'm afraid I won't be able to handle without help.
Since there's this forum, therefore, I thought I'd take the opportunity to ask for some advice.
What I'm posting here is a draft of the page I'm working on: it starts with a vertical vignette that ends a short flashback.
The character is the Captain of the Royal Guards (we are talking about a fantasy/fairytale setting) and he is standing on the spot where in the past he defeated the Cuckoo (the villain of the story, a kind of anti-Christ) with some of his men in order to help a stableman recover a precious foal that had fallen into the same cliff where the Cuckoo was thrown.
He tries to banish the anxiety caused by the coincidence but the situation is about to get worse and on the next page he discovers that the men who descended into the cliff have been killed and something is coming up for him.
How can I best express the atmosphere?
The scene takes place as the sun goes down and I have tried to show the light fading fast as the sun goes down, but I would like to make it more effective through the shots.
Any advice?
I think you should organize the text and images depending on how the eye of the reader follows
Thank you all, you have given me a lot of valuable advice which I will try to apply as best I can!
I'm happy to finally be able to borrow someone's eyes, something I've been taught is crucial but that I haven't been able to rely on in recent years as none of my artist friends live nearby.
I will also bore you with the next pages soon :3
First of all, my congrat: in my opinion drawing comic is very complex and if you succed in handling with 40 pages without any experience, well: very good job, I'm impressed.
For this page: when it comes to drawing action scenes, in my opinion perspective and shots are the most important things, because are the best weapon to convey speed and strenght. So, for the first scene, where you paint the fall, i would use a three point perspective as if the camera where just behind the captain, while he's looking the villain tha fall in the dark. Or, au contraire, you can put the camera behind the villain, while he is looking toward the captain at the top of the cliff.
Issue number 2: you have to connect this vignette (Vignette 1) to the one in the top right corner (Vignette 2). To do that, I appreciate your approach (erase the contourn line of the vignette) but I would go even further: why don't make the close-up of the captain bigger and fuse it with the left side of the page? You can do it with simple blur or in many other way, maybe using the shadw of the Vignette 2 as a "transparency layer" that let you see Vignette 1 (I hope I have express this idea clearly: P).
As reference, for fantasy battle scenes, there are a lot of different comics: I suggest you Senzanima or Dragonero (Sergio Bonelli), Berserk (by Kentaro Miura), and Bone (Jeff Smith: more cartoony, but one of the greatest milestone of fantasy comics). But there's a plenty of good stuff: all depends by your flavors.
Hope it can be useful!
PS: I hope I can read your comic one day ;)
Yes, I understand what you mean, thank you.
For the first vignette I will do as you suggest.
I like the idea of using the shadow of the second vignette projected on the first one: I'll have to see how it looks, I'll do a couple of tests.
Thanks, I know all the three comics you suggested: Berserk is actually one of my favourites :)
(anyway this would be page 139 ^^;;)
Hi Serena Marenco
you posted quite a tough question. I am not really an expert in composition, so the following is more of a feedback of a potential reader: For my taste you should give the backflash scene the whole page. Continue the story on an new page maybe showing the main figure from farther away in the same position as you showed it in the flasback scene. Because of the change in color it is now visually clear, that the flashback ended and the story continues. The fading light I would show with hard shadows: First panel golden sunlight, next panel hard shadow on the feet, next panel hard shadow up to the chin and then no direct sunlight any more. At the same time you could zoom in from farher away in the first panel to a total head-shot in the last panel.
Thanks, for the first panel I have to consult the writer and see if she agrees :)
I really like the idea of the light fading! One thing about the panels on the right is that I think they are similar in composition, but I think what you want is to drastically increase the suspense. It sort of depends on whether the thing coming up from the cliff is a slow or fast threat, but here are some ideas:
-Have at least one close-up of the captain's face. The expression is quite important because the men are all killed off-screen, so we need to know how worried he is. Things like sharp shadows over his features or body can show his growing doubts.
-If it would not seem too unbelievable, have a panel where the captain is small and isolated, and the cliff/surroundings are threatening. Perhaps an overhead shot where you can emphasize that there is no one to help him, and below the cliffs are shadowy and threatening. This would reinforce the growing fear that he is alone, and his companions have all met a terrible fate.
-It sounds like in the middle panel, he's still a bit cocky, maybe a little haughty about the stable boy? In that case, his body language in the last panel can be more unsure. Perhaps he's a bit more hunched over, hands closer together and tightening on the rope, looking down the cliff anxiously since he hasn't heard from his friends.
I hope I have understood what you're going for! Sounds like an intriguing comic :)
Yes, thank you, I think I understand what you mean.
I just wanted some advice on those three shots that seemed too repetitive from the script, to increase the sense of anxiety.
In the second panel, as you said, he simply thinks his companions are wasting their time and is a bit annoyed (it's a festive day in town and he finds himself wasting time in that place helping the stable boy who has let one of the King's most valuable horses get away).
Here I can definitely increase the depth of field by moving the space between him and the shelter of the trees.
In the third vignette he suddenly realizes that something is wrong and starts to pull the rope. Yes, that he leans in as you said seems like an effective choice.
So, this is followed by three pages in which he realizes that his men have been killed and that something is coming up from the abyss to kill him too (and he knows what it is), I only have (horrible) quick sketches of these but I'll show them to you since your speech includes things that happen in these pages and maybe you can start thinking about how to fix those too :)
(don't mind the horse design, I'm still trying to figure out how to make a horse look monstrous and I just wanted a placeholder ^^; )
I will also put up the previous pages of the chapter, maybe they will help to give you an idea.
